Take Me Home
(Belladonna Ink #2)
by Lorelie Brown
Date Released: November 7, 2016
About Take Me Home
Thanksgiving arrives in one week and one day. Feeling hemmed in by parental expectations? Are they disappointed by your sapphic proclivities? I can help! The only pay I want is the holiday meal!
I didn’t know what I was looking for until I saw her Craigslist ad.
I love my family. I’m lucky to have them—well, most of them. But my aunt? I’m so tired of her giving my mom crap because I happen to be a lesbian. So one pink-haired tattoo artist pretending to be my girlfriend will annoy my Christian fundamentalist aunt right back and make my Thanksgiving perfect.
Only . . . Brooke turns out to be cuter and more complicated than I expected. And before you can say “yorkiepoo,” we kiss . . . and abduct a dog together. I want to keep them both—but Brooke isn’t the kind to be kept. Lucky for me, I’m the kind to chase what I want.
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An Excerpt from Take Me Home
Daphne knows I’m gay, inasmuch as she knows physics. She’s heard of it, but she absolutely has no interest in mucking about with it. Her head will spin if she actually has to look at me holding hands with a woman.
So naturally I click through all my usual online dating sites. OkCupid is a bust of course, since my inbox is currently filled with men asking if I’m really sure I’m a lesbian—and if I am, is there any way they can watch? Just once? Ugh. My queer girl dating app nets one possible, a girl I’ve been messaging with for a couple of weeks, who I know is living away from her family. And she’s a student, so maybe she can’t afford to go home.
Out of impulse, while I wait for her to message back, I click over to Craigslist and the WSW section. I don’t expect much, and I’m not sure why I check, except maybe I’m more of a glutton for punishment than I want to admit.
Unexpectedly, I hit pay dirt.
Seeking an inappropriate Thanksgiving date?
Goddamn, that title is made for me.
Fate is a thing. I rub my palms together before clicking the link and wiggle my butt deeper into my couch in excitement.
It’s not my parents who are pestering me about kids, but just about everything else looks spot on.
Thanksgiving arrives in one week and one day. Feeling hemmed in by parental expectations? Are they disappointed by your sapphic proclivities? I can help!
I’m twenty-four and all but six months of those years have been spent outside of prison walls. I’ve been told I look anywhere between seventeen and thirty with healthy applications of makeup. I have my own car, which has sweet-as-hell flames painted on the nose. Best VW Rabbit on the West Coast. I work as a tattoo artist, so depending on the family, I can either talk long and loud about my work or pretend to be a stripper.
Other things I can do:
Talk about how I only eat clean, whole foods even while I scarf down an embarrassing number of calories.
Ask your married family members if they’re really sure they’re straight.
Talk about the mundane trap that is the bourgeois middle-class life and how no one will shackle me down.
Launch into conversations with how I plan to have seven babies and discuss in detail the homebirth I’ve attended. Will you give me bonus points for saying “placenta” as the cranberry sauce is served?
I’ll consider taking part in a catfight, but only if it evolves naturally. No jumping without provocation will be done. I also draw the line at groping anyone, but if you want to kiss me after your grandfather says amen, I’m cool with it.
The only pay I want is the holiday meal!
“Perfect,” I say to my empty apartment as I punch the air.
After a seminomadic childhood throughout California, Lorelie Brown spent high school in Orange County before joining the US Army. After traveling the world from South Korea to Italy, she now lives north of Chicago. She writes her Pacific Blue series of hot surfers in order to channel some warmth.
Lorelie has three active sons, two yappy dogs, and a cat who cusses her out on a regular basis for not petting him enough.
In her immense free time (hah!) Lorelie cowrites award-winning contemporary erotic romance under the name Katie Porter. You can find out more about the Vegas Top Guns and Command Force Alpha series at www.KatiePorterBooks.com or at @MsKatiePorter. You can also contact Lorelie on Twitter @LorelieBrown.
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To celebrate the release of Take Me Home, one lucky winner will receive a $25 gift certificate to an ebook retailer of your choice! Leave a comment with your contact info to enter the contest. Entries close at midnight, Eastern time, on November 12, 2016. Contest is NOT restricted to U.S. entries. Thanks for following the tour, and don’t forget to leave your contact info!
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